Meaningless Rambling

Meaningless rambling
Why?
Does anyone ever sit and ask themselves why? Why what you ask? Why anything? Why are we who we are? Why do I like what I like? Why do some things bother us and some things don't? Why am I attracted to this person and not this person? Why does what she does get on my nerves and when he does it, it doesn't bother me? Why do things happen the way they do and do we do anything to encourage certain behavior? And, most importantly, why in the world would she wear that outfit to work I mean, does she think that tattoo on her back fat is sexy?
You can't ask yourself why without also asking yourself the who's, what's, where's and how's as well. Where am I going to be in five years? Who will I be with? Will I be in the same position I'm in now? Will I have the same passions in a couple of years that I do today? And so on and so on and so on.
One thing I've been asking myself why about in the last couple of days is ... how can a person who gets arrested for lewd behavior in the Minneapolis airport and then plead guilty to a lesser charge to "make it go away" (yeah right) try to pass legislation denying me the same civil rights as others in America, just because I choose to be honest with myself about who I am? Does he think that if he does it in a seedy bathroom or nasty rest stop, trying to fly under the radar, that he's better than me and he deserves more rights than I have? Just because I'm not the lying, cheating, bastard that he chooses to be? Oh yeah, maybe it's because the religious right thinks I'm a deviant. Which I have to admit, can be fun at times...
Another thing I've been asking myself why or what a lot about lately is Religion. I should start by saying I'm not a religious person. I'm spiritual. Organized religion, has, in itself, driven me from the church. I do believe that I'm going to heaven, that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that I'll see all of my "friends" there too. This may be where you're asking yourself WHAT is he talking about? I just wonder why I am who I am. Was I made to be myself by God? Does my environment alone shape who I am, etc.? I've come to the realization that it's both. I'm me because this is who God wants me to be but I'm also the person I am because of every one of my life experiences. We make mistakes to learn from them and our successes are our rewards for the lessons we've learned.
Which, leads me to my next issue. If we're supposed to learn from our mistakes, why do we, or more specifically, I, continue to make some of the same mistakes over, over and over? Is it because we like to wallow in self pity every once in a while or is it because life is habitual and some mistakes, like cigarettes, are so bad yet they're sooooo good?
I just turned 35 the other day. And, I have to say, I'm at the best point in my life I've ever been. Career is on track, have great friends, know what I want and know what mistakes I've made thas have set me back. However, does anyone else besides me think we have a self loathing bone, that just when things are going well, it jumps up and kicks your teeth in? Imagine this... you wake up one day with that glorious morning wood, but instead of looking up and smilint at you, it kicks you in the balls? I mean, my GAWD, why in the hell did you do that? Why do I walk away from the good people that I know will treat me well and are emotionally stable for that emotionally unavailable one who will do nothing but stomp on my heart? I "think" I'd rather have the smiling morning wood but more often than not, I pick the "I'm gonna bust your balls" and you're gonna like it hard on!
So, now, I'm going to sit here and wonder WHEN! I always hear, "oh, I wouldn't relive my 20's", "oh, I wouldn't relive my 30's", etc. Well, when am I going to get that point where I look back on my life and say "man, that stung a little, but I won't do that again!" There HAS to be that point in life right?
OH PLEASE TELL ME YOU EVENTUALLY REACH THAT POINT IN YOUR LIFE!